Lord Harry Mountboy is on telly plugging grandad rock tickets for the rollers. We love him because he's posh and cuts a dash and reminds us how cool the aristocracy really is.
01:00
Nine million bucks in unrefunded change receipts that Dublin Bus helps itself to.
09:00
1882 DIED: Jesse James, notorious Wild West outlaw, bank and train robber, shot in back by member of his own criminal gang, Robert Ford
09:45
Oooh the cheese in the Elepho restaurant is hand grated. That's why they charge so much (2.20) for it.
09:56
People coming from other countries think the Irish schoolgirls are all prostitutes according to the old biddies on air.
10:10
A substantial source of potassium, bananas have been shown to improve moods.
10:57
Chunky chinking of broken glass. Sounds like a square shouldered gin bottle beating the street.
11:22
I knew I was getting better when I started getting funny. I had cancer. When I got my sense of humour back, I knew I was well.
- So has the cancer come back?
13:45
Comrades. (I've heard enough.) Here's the plan. We sieze the school premises and surrounding prefabs. We sieze the fleet of school buses which we decommission immediately on grounds of safety.
The kids can walking-school-bus to school when parents set them down at designated drop-off points. We maintain a fuss-free, parent-free, class-less exclusion zone for 200m around the school. We mortgage the school and church properties and build new classrooms and science labs. We procure a fleet of new, quality, safety-assured biodiesel buses for the children. We give each bus a name and some personality.
- Commandant. The interest rates are going up next year.
With respect, comrade, true, but over the lifetime of the loan, say 50 years, we may expect an average of 3%. That Free State 5% inflation zone could be a long term threat so keep an eye on it. Bastards!
ALL: Bastards! (spits).
We build the school, cut pollution, organise the place safely and cut down on traffic, get the older kids to mind the younger ones, get the adults to supervise without emotion or prancing about, get everyone an anorak, get a fleet of umbrellas, get some fresh air before going to class, volunteers, do all that for no financial cost. We put an estimate on our time and materials. Then we sue the Irish Free State in the European courts for our costs, arguing under European law how we are entitled to the same levels of service as available in other EU member states. We can do the same for the hospitals, utilities, justice and infrastructure that our kids and grandkids require.
- How will we finance the case in the European courts, Commandant?
Hire a horseshitter on a no foal no fee basis.
15:11
Q: What was the name of the group, led by Bertie Ahern, that committed suicide in Kildare St by drinking Kool-Aid laced with cyanide? Was it:
- Order of the Solar Temple
- Heaven's Gate
- Unification Church
- The People's Party
A native Irish-speaker from Donegal gets off a speeding rap because the courts service couldn't provide the documents in his own native Irish tongue EVEN THOUGH he has a constitutional right.
16:55
TWEET: A lighthouse for the Lord.
17:48
Vigilante rough Justice justice:
A 40-year-old unemployed father of six has escaped a jail sentence after he called the Circuit Court judge Brian Curtin a paedophile and struck him three times in the face.19:17
Superfast train in France. TGV. Could work nicely on one a dem corridors. Ennis to Galway in 4 minutes. You'd just be speeding up when you'd be slowing down.
19:37
Jihad, mate, as RAF pilots asked to fly suicide missions (in case their fighter jets run out of bullets whilst dogfighting rogue jumbo jets, they're asked to crash on to the targets).
21:34
Go the 'Pool. Just applied for a job with jobsuck.ie to do the website for a telecoms company. Oh no. Fingers crossed.
22:09
I think we found our first customer for the Ballinafeck Soviet Nuclear Reactor:
23:23Ireland may need nuclear power - Forfas
- How will we equip our liberation fighters, Commandant?
Start on www.ebay.com. Then try craigslist.org. Google it! Here's our long distance plan: Get me 9 yards of that .50cal BMG and plenty of NATO issue 7.62 and 5.56 ammo. We're gonna stop those thick, Flat Cap Fuckers from fucking everything up if we have to blow their heads away. Up the iRepublic!"
ALL: "UP THE iREPUBLIC!"
