1997 Californian comet cult Heaven's Gate in mass suicide of 38 members as Hale-Bopp passes overhead
09:09
Sex-on-a-stick bomb himself Ruin Tubashite is having a conversation with hysterical posh people about sex. It's indelibly dull.
"Contraception", "shame" and "phantom pregnancy".
"I knew about sex. I was told about it by my parents. I read Lady Chatterly's Lover. We were quite liberal."
- Urr. Was that your circle?
"I had a DUBLIN upbringing, people were more open."
Just explain to people what "Wesley" is.
"All the local schools would go there on Friday night and the girls would get fingered."
Urr. A "shift". There was a time when a show like this would be taken off the air. We're going to go over to a gay man now and introduce our listeners to the very concept. Of course, I'm from Dublin so I know what 'gay' means. Urr.
- How has he managed to make the topic of sex so boring? By systematically rehashing every cliche of the last sixty years, that's how, in order to reduce the level of content to zero.
09:41
Every single conversation ends up being about his limited life. Like every single monologue I indulge.
10:10
The longer your fingers, the faster your nails grow.
13:35
ADIO: (They're getting children to say "Come on, make that call." Bankers. Child labour.)
13:38
A hospital has canceled cancer care, for the sake of patients' care. The hospitals have given up and gone home.
13:46
Back to life, back to reality, back to the here and now:
CALLER 1: I paid 14 euro for a bottle of wine.
JOE: Quality wine.
CALLER 1: Its the quality of the service I'm worried about. The dregs of one bottle then a new one poured in on top of that. The art of serving wine - non-existent. What if you got no head on your Guinness?
13:48
CALLER 2: Forty nine euro for a portion of lamb? My brother sells lamb and he only gets 50 for the whole lamb.
JOE: Brazen prices.
13:56
CALLER 3: We got a bottle of freezing cold red wine left on the table unopened. She did well payin' 14 euro getting it poured.
13:58
"Ears pierced while you wait."
14:13
CALLER 4: My son can't feel his body, Joe.
14:16
JOERADIO (plea to aspiring contributors): Steer clear of Bertie songs for Funny Friday later this week. We've had a lot of entries. All sterling performances. We've enough on him (in a nice way.)
18:21
Try walking down my road. 1112%:
A new survey has found that litter levels in Dublin are 12% higher than for the rest of country.20:58
The shitty is destroyed with cash and press releases. A million quid spent on a big litter program 8 years ago and still the cats float on the filth.
22:08
MINISTER FOR SAYING "I suppose if we'd have known then what we know now we wouldn't have taken that decision. But that's the benefit of hindsight I suppose." has announced that the government has decided they are selling their national airline. I will never sell mine for the simple reason that I need to fly. Airline slots are like time and land, you can't make more of them. They're fixed bandwidth.
22:11
My man Louis Theroux reports that Level 4 bad guys in San Quentin are kept in a special section. Codenamed Badger section. Considered extremely dangerous. Too right, I say. Too damn right.
