1997 UK No.1: No Doubt, Don't Speak
09:21
Please. We don't want to hear about Protestant massacres like The Holocaust. We want to hear about Bloody Sunday.
09:22
Huge problem with anti-Semitism. Mel Gibson.
09:32
RAYDIO: "He fancied the bejaysis out of her and became a jibbering idiot."
09:39
The cheesy upstart from start up cheese has finally made me turn off the radio and thus end the years of suffering, as I can't stand his "cheery" persona, which is just a put on, as he is just a complete and utter bollox like the rest of them egomaniacal fools.
10:02
GARDA ANNOUNCEMENT: Supporters are advised that any item that may be used to cause injury (such as armoured cars, tanks and guns) will not be allowed into the Croke Park stadium. Rioters are asked to contact Fitzgibbon st Garda station in advance so that they may be facilitated.
10:10
Trivia: With 15 letters, UNCOPYRIGHTABLE is the longest word in common use with no letter appearing more than once.
10:07
CALLER: The situation remains onresolved. The situation now is the same as it was in 1920. No part of Germany is occupied by England. It's hard to quantify figures.
10:15
DUB: All of the pissing on the sidewalks is unpoliced. Gardai are standing around barriers and entrance to streets. No foot patro-wls of residential streets.
10:28
ELECTROPATNETIC: There's a lot of electromagnetic radiation hitting me when I'm watching me on the telly coming from my big TV.
10:39
Pat Boffin is talking electromagnetic radiation waves with the geeks. He's a little out of his depth because they're talking wavelengths and frequencies. He prefers folic acid and free radicals.
- "Oh", (he said,) "Membrane!"
10:44
"Class action lawsuit." Pulling it back ...
PAT PROTECTION: I don't want to end up in the high court, guys.
10:50
GO PAT: "You know the inverse square law of the decay of radiation?"
11:06
The guy who Pat Apollo chats to about sport every day has no personality at all, apart from the fact that he's from the country.
11:13
TEXT TO PAT: [No mention of Liverpool's stunning victory? You Man U fan fucker!]
11:37
Pat is salaciously admiring from afar the wife of the American politician. Then, drily, apropos of something else: "I took a train in Spain across the plain when it rained once called the Rapido. The slowest train in the universe." You tell that to all the girls, Pat?
11:42
It governs:
Annual inflation rate climbs to 5.2pc in January - the highest level in 6 years.It's more like 10% where I'm standing. Damn!
11:43
Unrepresented Nations and Peoples Organisation
http://www.unpo.org/
11:44
They brought in emergency legislation last night to fix up the "free market".
11:45
Britain's Prince Harry is off to imperialise Iraq as part of his troop. Am searching for the kidnap-decap video now. His mother was rogered by a major, I've been told.
11:48
Oh, a strike at Aer Lingus the government airline shocker? Inflation goes up more often with greater altitude than Aer Lingus jumbos.
11:52
The Taoiseach's lawyers accused the tribunal enquiring into payments to politicians (his crowd) of being corrupt. Judgy-wudgy lost the cool and fuck and blinded them out of it, in his own style, using judicious language. Bertie sat there his head in his hands, apparently it's a bad sign, like United going down two-nil against Chelsea.
11:56
Global swarming. Panic attacks.
12:02
The reason inflation is so high we're told is because the bean-counters have replaced the basket of goods they track. Now they're counting "mp3" players instead of "walkmans". (There hasn't been a Walkman sold or manufactured anywhere in the world for fifteen years!) Out go "radio cassette players". In come "home cinemas."
12:07
A witchhunt by a bunch of crooks. Said Bertie. Through his liar. Lawyer.
13:05
Best story of the week so far. About an armed robber who committed all his robberies while out on bail. Spate of attacks across the midlands. Finally caught when he was detained with a hurley stick wielded by a -
Oh sweet Deity. The tape breaks down. We never hear the end.
13:11
They've taken off two-piece suits and working boots from the inflation list. If next they take off beeswax candles and butter churns we might get a better picture. Inflation has changed much since Victorian times, alas.
13:16
Energy prices are going down yet inflation is going up. WTF?
13:20
There are wigs on the green at the tribunal. Slings and allegations. Name calling. Emotive language. Obscure accounts. Bertie's girlfriend. Money is resting. Furnishings.
13:21
Hoody-head says a whiff of dictatorship coming from the Ringsend representative, meaning the Minister for Media Control. It's shite, I say, that olfactory gem.
13:24
The thing is, they must be getting real close to the truth about how the Prime Minister cascaded the dough. Playing for time tactics.
13:26
Opposition political spokesperson swipes down the radio news man. Says, a journalist has been arrested. Semi-state radio news man (a journalist) defends the police position.
13:34
Lisa, 17, curtailed the robbers with a hurley while they wielded a hammer when they went to rob a post office in the country. A very ordinary gentle girl.
13:39
The Irish rugby squad are training for the match against England in Croke Park this week by drilling, marching and target practice with Lee Enfields. "He's probably the best shooter of a rifle at no 9 in the world."
13:41
McDog says he swears on his honour he had no paw, act or part in the lifting of the hack who wrote about the police stitch up of an innocent man while the crime itself remains unresolved. He swears on his mother's grave. He's only doing the right thing.
13:45
CALLER: Me and my partner have been subject to abuse.
DORK: And you're both gay?
CALLER: Uh huh.
13:52
CALLER: She's being bullied by young pucks throwing abuse and rocks at her. Victimised
- That's what the national conversation is about every day. Vicfuckingtims.
14:53
CALLER: Urinating at the front door. Eighteen bags of rubbish. She used the place as a brothel. The council and police knew about this for two years.
14:55
CALLER: I have what's called a sixth sense. She died as part of a result of the attack.
14:58
The fricking guillotine sound in the kitchen. Little legs struggling to die. Little victim's head caught in a trap. His life sucking out and down. I can't go to watch. I can hardly stand to listen to the radio or listen to the struggle.
15:21
EIRCOM ANSWERBOT:
I'm sorry, I didn't understand your answer. Could you please repeat -
I SAID YOU'RE A FUCKING WANKER. YOU'RE A PRICK. ARE YOU RECORDING THIS? WANG-KER!
16:09
Suckers. Another mouse bites down on a reset sultana and snaps the trap. Christ I will be having nightmares of giant zombie mice over-running my kitchen tonight. This live-action death action is a little disconcerting.
16:45
Asphyxiation. I'm out of traps again.
17:49
The most technologically advanced room in Ireland.
22:18
They're talking over each other again on the radio.
22:56
It was wool:
Ray Burke has told the Flood Tribunal that allegations that he received a bag full of money from an unidentified man when he was Chairman of Dublin County Council are a fabrication
