Spilling off the streets, onto the stairwells. Kicking in doors. Detonating fire alarms. This time, the neighbours all appear on the stairs, timid, byjamaéd, alarmed.
Anyhow, the social and abhorable tenants we're now stuck with are outside on the street at this point, sputtering their blue bloody murder in sewer accents.
They're brandishing mobiles, organising rumbles with their sleeveless tees in the depths of the night. 'You get your people and I'll get mine. You'll be fucking dead if I do. Smithfield in twenty minutes, roight?'
The Gardai cruise by in their panda car just as I pop out onto the pavement amdist the rollick. They cops roll up their window. I knock it and basically I drag them in through the hall door. I know how to apply pressure, it just means you don't relent. You jump the stone wall with utter disregard.
Reluctantly, they come inside.
They looks a bit robocoppy with stabby vests, torches and stuff. Kinda cool, in a Reno 911 cop-show kitsch kind of way.
The cop warns an ASBO on my next door neighbours. The scummy didn't even know what it was. The cops want the landlord's name and all. At 3am in the morning, I can't refuckingmember.
Shrugging his shoulders, the cop says the ASBO is being tested in the courts. One of the first in Ireland. Told him we'll go all the way to the European Court of Justice if needs be. The Gardai, whatever you say about them, they act like more normal human beings than the scum. Then they wander off.
These "neighbours", they're kids of 21. Nobody really lives there. Nobody cares about them. The guy who holds the keys says he's embarrassed, and so he should be.
They're going on about it. Pointlessly. Heedlessly. Needlessly. Just break it up. Me and my gay neighbour, it ended up we ran them. Realised the cops had left us with the problem they were invited to resolve. Fed fucking up.
"I'll come and kick your door down and drag you all ourrof it. I'll burn your house down. You know where I live, right."
We have to get cops and ASBOs and judges out to get youngsters to cop the fuck on. They do so fitfully. I told the police I was an undercover part time civilian detective.
Oh no I didn't.
03:01
31 Gardai prosecuted in the last 2 years. Some members transgress the law from time to time in a force of 14000. Tee dum.
03:44
Scorpion just took a hammering on japanesebugfights.com. Some kind of cockaroach mauled him. Life is tough on the streets. Life is tough in a glass cage with Crazy Nips egging you on for the cameras. He never got the stinger to work for him. There's another primordial struggle erupting in the ASBO house next door.
09:00
1922 DIED: Ernest Shackleton, Anglo-Irish explorer, pioneering adventurer of The Heroic Age of Antarctic Exploration, Captain of ill-fated Endurance expedition
A camel can drink 21 gallons of water in about 10 minutes.
13:19
Bridehunting in the Ukraine:
'These are not American women,' our guide was telling us. 'They do not care about your age, looks, or money. And you are not going to have to talk to them for half an hour and then have your testicles handed back to you! Let me tell you: I wouldn't date an American woman right now if you paid me!'
http://www.harpers.org/AForeignAffair.html
14:35
It's a fair cop, guv'nor:
Seven of the prosecutions were for drink-driving offences and the others were for a range of offences, including theft, assault, harassment, road traffic offences and cannabis possession.14:33
Vote with your rubber tyres:
The Irish Road Haulage Association has said it has advised its members not to use the toll road because it is too expensive.14:36
Going down on membership:
The office says 26 men joined diocesan orders in 2006, compared to 19 the previous year. However, the number of priests being ordained is continuing to fall steadily.14:54
Don't I know it:
Single and middle-aged men are the happiest in Ireland, a new survey claimed today.15:10
Wolves atone:
The plans for the day of atonement are at a very early stage and a number of options are being considered, including a televised ceremony and the creation of a "healing garden". The Catholic Church in America held a day of atonement in 2002 after the extent of sex abuse by their clergy came to light.15:19
They line up at the crematorium in Mercedes, arrive by ramshackle taxi, dress black with Louis Vuitton handbags swinging from their crooked arms. Death is the great leveller nonetheless. New Year, new suicide.
15:30
Why come the numbers are so low:
The DPP told the Irish Times that the vast majority of files received (Complaints against Gardai) cannot be investigated because the statutory time limit for summary prosecutions has already expired.15:32
Busy burying writs:
An international road safety expert has reportedly blamed the lack of a visible garda presence for the continuing levels of speeding and drink-driving on Ireland's roads.15:40
Call the cleaners:
The body of a man has been found at a premises on Dublin's Upper Dorset Street. A second man has been taken from the scene with injuries.17:44
Windows wants me to shut down and retoot.
18:11
Dear Mr. Policeman
Simple question, how many cases were reported of members of the force acting the pup, as opposed to prosecuted?
Is mise
MMD
18:12
Dear MMD
I'm declining to be interviewed on the contents of my own statement.
Is mise
Mr. Police
19:20
Great way to meet your neighbours, a riot on the stairs.
21:24
Pinstriped minister is on telly defending another roadworks piece of legislation that's all very well in theory but doesn't do shit in practice. His standard defense? Duck and pass the buck to someone else. Ultimately, blame the victims. Him and his cufflinks.
23:36
Kill Bill II is interrupted by the deathly dull news repeats. WTF? Five-fingered heart punch to the pony-tailed con-man who programmes the RTE machine. Rudelyinterrupted Telefis Eireann.
