1867 First performance of Johann Strauss' waltz, "The Blue Danube", at the Vienna Men's Choral Association, one of the most popular classical compositions of all time09:06
You have vandalised my heart. I die like Jesus Chlist. I bleed to death for your entertainment. 09:12
Why don't they teach Irish girls how to booty shake on an internet web-video? Then we'd all be made.
10:10
In order, the most common elements in the Universe are hydrogen, helium, oxygen, carbon and neon.
10:16
Good, young, educated population. Have learned English. Open for business.
- Ireland?
No. Kosovo. Which has declared independence off Serbia. Thus Balkanising the Balkans.
- Sort of undermines the whole "United Ireland" thing so, does it?
Precis.
10:30
Professor Pat reckons he has the answer to the superbugs problem. Rub a bit of honey on the wounds. And would you like a bit of butter, with that, Pat?
10:37
Consaw ripping through the air and a lame duck taoiseach who has become something less than a joke.
10:42
Alcohol the factor in 37% of road fatalities. Now they are sneaking in drugs tests.
10:54
So we don't want you drinking, or, questioning the quality of the road network. Signs, lines and carriageway is substandard but we'll blame you, and call it an alcohol related accident.
11:13
PAT THE KNIFE: If you have a condition called haemochromotosis it's treated by blood letting.
DOC: Eh, yes, but bloodletting still doesn't work on the range of illness, Pat.
11:21
The body of a man has been found near a canal in west Dublin.
11:27
These yachts are going loike so fast, foor-ty miles an hour for weeks. Extremely fit, I mean extreee-mely fit crew.
11:29
I'm shaking in my chair for all the hammering, sheets of tin falling, saws circling and diggers scouring next to my head.
11:46
Minister for Pulling Wire says Ireland is mid-table for broadband. mKay. Just checked the table and can qualify. Broadbandees behind us include Hungary and Poland and Greece. Hamstrung by Communism. Apart from them Ireland is bottom.
12:00
Yet another yet another school bus went on fire this morning. Completely gutted. Kids evacuated to hospital.
12:34
We let the lolly lickers decide for us:
The Minister for Children, Brian Lenihan has announced his office is to consult with teenagers on the misuse of alcohol.12:49
Here, ya forgot yer babby:
Gardai in Dublin are appealing for the mother of a baby who was found abandoned at a bus stop in the city to come forward. The new-born baby boy was found by passers-by on Lower Clanbrassil Street at 12.30pm yesterday.12:55
Here, ya forgot yer corpse:
The victim who was in his late teens or early 20s had suffered severe head injuries and had been shot in the head.13:10
The Seanad (Lower House of Parliament) is to be moved to the Natural History Museum. With all the other dinosaurs.
13:13
MINSTER FOR SQUIRMING: Of course we're not cutting the tribunal. We just want them to do the job for less money. If you hear something from the Law Library, it's a conspiracy. They're all drunk in there.
13:19
She left a 35-page suicide note outlining details of what happened with her.
13:29
Some Jordanian called Balthazaar had to take the stand up to a couple of Darrens in Blanch and they went down today. Bleedin' foreigners, coming here, taking our courage. Witness protection required for the guy and his family. Slip on yer burkas!
13:30
Plans to improve bus transport in Dublin have been shelved. Minister for Saying We Won't is not there for comment.
13:42
The director of the museum was not told that the Seanad fossils would be coming down there to display. They're going to rip out the best Victorian museum in town (a museum of museums) to insert a bunch of obsolete political hacks to talk shop once in a while, and the museum guy is worried, quite rightly, that his specimens will be chucked in a skip.
13:44
In the meantime, the Taoiseach is whistling past the graveyard/shopping centre, denying he's going to resign, saying he's sticking it out for our own good.
14:00
I was walking along the dawn, going from west to east. The path ahead, it sparkled like diamonds. With all the broken glass.
14:06
CALLER 1: A car smacked my partner and sped off. I shouted at him. I caught up with the car at the lights. There was a Garda inside in it. He denied anything happened, called me a scumbag. Back into the Garda station. He was there talking to the Inspector. They called me outside, the Garda and the Inspector. He spoke to some witnesses. Told me partner she had to give in her jeans. He stopped, left the scene of an accident calling me a scumbag.
14:10
JOE: Why did he call you a 'scumbag'?
CALLER 1: I don't think anyone should be called a scumbag.
JOE: Your demeanour?
CALLER1 : No Joe, I don't look unrespectable.
JOE: Would you accept an apology from him now?
CALLER 1: No. For his conduct. I want him to get the same treatment everybody else gets.
JOE: Yes?
CALLER 1: What I'm hearing off you is people pass opinions. You never met me before.
JOE: Yes? Particular accents and part of the cities?
CALLER 1: Why is that Joe?
JOE: I don't know.
14:14
CALLER 2: I'm allergic to perfume Joe. when I get on a plane and the ladies are just covered in it, it's overwhelming. AND If I'm in a restaurant they go to the toilet and put more on, I immediately get a headache behind my eyes.
14:15
CALLER 3: It was like the Dukes of Hazard. The garda jumped into my car and told me to follow that car. He said don't get too close. Within a few minutes the squads had arrived. He came over and said thanks for the lift.
14:19
JOE: Were you drinking?
CALLER 1: No.
JOE: Anythin' else?
CALLER 1: Joe, I don't like what you're sayin'. People here are making up their minds. Joe, if this is the way Dublin is gone, Dublin people are better off ourof it.
JOERADIO: Garda press office on to us saying aware of the issue and currently under investigation.
CALLER 1: I always listened to your show. Me fader always listened to it, Lord have mercy on him. You've hurt me very much actually Joe. Same thing you said to me five minutes ago, people on Pearse St got what they deserved. I'm from Pearse St all me life Joe.
JOE: No other media took an interest in it and all of our callers think they got what they deserved.
CALLER 4 (woman): They should be exemplary when in authority. They're like politicians. I don't think social status of victims should make a difference.
CALLER 1: Me partner is upset from after what she's after hearin' from ye and that's being honest wit' ya, Joe. Thank you, Joe (sighs melancholy.)
14:27
CALLER 5: She was kicked in the backside. When she turned around, she was asked, "What the hell are you looking at?" They proceeded to beat her, got her to the ground and kicked her in the head, face, body.
14:48
CALLER 6: The Garda was driving on the wrong side of the road. I was coming around the bend. It was dangerous driver.
JOE: Could have been saving your mother.
CALLER 6: If you're an advanced driver you should drive safely.
JOE: Your mother was killed by a Garda patrol car?
CALLER 7: In 2005, at the bus stop. The investigation was a sham. They look after themselves. DPP scrapped the case. The coroner said it was the Garda's driving, not the road or the state of the car. This might reopen the case from the DPP's point of view.
JOE: If they didn't respond with speed they'd be giving out.
CALLER 7: Speed must be appropriate. My mother was mown down. It's a double standard.
JOE: Who investigated your mother's death?
CALLER 7: The Gardai from the same station as the Garda driver who killed her. They said there was an overview from the precinct next door.
JOE: What did the inquest mean to you?
CALLER 7: Coroner pushed them. He didn't let the Gardai fudge the case. Got the evidence that it was the speed of the car. But that's the job of the Director of Public Prosecutions. Big gap in terms of accountability.
14:51
JOE: Is ah huhing mindlessly as the wimmin witter on about the deal with the wedding photographer and his high fees. Can hardly keep his eyes open I can hear. Daydreaming about speeding Garda cars, likely. Interminable details about who was there, who they chatted to, what they said, when they were due to collect their photos, where they went to on holidays most recently and it only cost 700 euro for a CD of your pics which for a day out with the girls is great crack and one of them getting married soon. The biggest complaint seems to be that there was no cup of tay.
15:06
Gregarious:
The Dublin gangland criminal, Martin Foley, has been ordered to serve two months in prison for barging into a pub after he was refused entry.16:01
Bertie is a Hitler Look-alike:
http://tinyurl.com/5lsvrk
18:49
Andrews Lane Theatre sold to property developers.
20:50
Two men were taken to Blanchardstown hospital after they were shot outside a pub in the area early this morning.
22:57
Rabbit watch:
The prisoner involved had 18 months of a nine-year sentence remaining and was taken to a parochial house in the North City to visit his sick mother. Although three prison staff were with him on the outing, he managed to escape through the window of the toilet in the house.23:00
Tell me about it:
New academic research shows that Dubliners are less happy with life than those living outside the capital city.23:01
Chicken with a tram:
It has been revealed that LUAS trams in Dublin were involved in 22 road accidents involving other road vehicles during their first six months in operation.23:04
Creepy Canon:
She described how Canon Forde indecently assaulted her on four occasions in the sacristy of the Church.
23:07
Nice work if you can get it:
New figures from the Central Statistics Office show wages in the public sector are rising more than twice as fast as wages in industry.
23:23
There's something about the sight of a girl covered in axle grease that thrills me. Kinda cute too. Did I say "kinda"? I meant, "very". Valentines of the velocipede. Blood rush.
