1983 UK No.1: Men at Work, Land Down Under
10:10
The only place on Earth where one can watch the sun rise over the Pacific and set over the Atlantic is Panama.
13:45
Every time I turn on the state funded radio station I hear ads for insurance and financial services. Are they trying to brainwash us? Go JOE!
13:49
(Moan about a wedding in Spain that was a disaster. Moaning about her fake tan and some kind of . . . procession. Drinks receptions and guests and hotels and booked churches and all. The good news is that she's not technically married because she got ripped off by an Irish over there and who never did the paperwork in the town hall.)
13:55
CALLER: I can't marry her Joe, that'll be bigamy.
JOE: It'll be very big a me.
CALLER: The last 3 mayors of Marbella ended up in jail. "It's a sunny place for shady people."
13:59
JOE: You can go to the embassy.
CALLER: This was her job (nasal tones). The expense.
14:03
ADIO: 1850207407 Are you a victim of croime - ring now.
14:04
CALLER: He fell from a ladder cleanin' windows. Paralysed from de neck down. He has no hands, no legs, no voice...
JOERADIO: Oh your line is gone.
14:05
CALLER: The receptionist at the hospital said "We always have slots for private patients. Costs you 50 euros."
14:16
OECD study said Irish hospitals were third from bottom of the list of 21 for access to hospitals.
14:35
CALLER: (Ah the parishoners are cribbing, literally.) Someone got in to our Christmas crib and broke the head off the Baby Jesus. And the head of Jesus is definitely missing. I have the Baby Jesus in a paper bag in the boot of my car and I'm bringing him to Blackrock to get a new head. Vandalised. We were hoping for a ransom note or a phone call but so far we haven't heard anything.
14:39
JOERADIO: It's a new low, whacking the head of Baby Jesus.
14:40
CALLER: Off I go to Blackrock. Let's hope we can find Jesus. Ah, the church sets its own rules, and we only have to have our decorations down by Feb second. Some places takes them down by the January sixth as it's bad luck to have them up any longer. Not us. Christmas is boom time for the Church. The boomest.
14:44
JOERADIO: That is inordinary. How much to go back out?
CALLER: Couple o grand.
JOERADIO: And ye don't even know that ye're married?
CALLER: I had a fantastic wedding day. But I have a wonderful family. (The phone always rings in the background when someone's on the phone to Joeradio as if on the other end someone is ringing to say, You're on Joeradio, I can hear you on Joeradio!)
JOE: Ah h-yeah.
CALLER: I had cysts on me eyes.
14:47
Public transport(ed up to heaven)
14:26 Female pedestrian in her 70s dies after being hit by double decker bus in Coolock
14:48
CALLER: My pharmacist was in shock when she saw me. I was waiting because I was public. No clinic appointment. I was pregnant. I lost the plot. I became hysterical.
18:44
Dawkins is the New Non-Messiah. Atheism is the new no religion. When the Christians and the Islamists have finished duking it out, they'll make their move. Onwards Non-Denominational Soldiers. I'm gonna write a non-scientific book called The Athiest Delusion. The Baggage-Charge religion. The Chocolate Box philosophy.
19:00
You believe in an infinite density - thing - with unknown properties at the Big Bang beginning citing physics you cannot explain that's unconfirmed/able and you don't believe in God? And on the third day he made quarks. What's the difference between one unmeasurable set of initial conditions and another?
19:13
Comrades
Atheist fundamentalists. We cannot tolerate people referring to God when making important decisions. It's anti-democratic and triggers irrational responses. If we go to war, we're doing it because we believe in nothing, we serve no one. We're beholden to knowledge not superstition. If it's reproducible, it's science. If it's not, it's religion. We're holding on to the truth. "Truth". (Shit. I'm sounding like a Religionist. Save as Draft).
19:35
ORD DU JOUR
Surge. In interest rates. In troops. Inflation. Confidence. In my bathroom.
21:47
The celebrants on Big Brother have rumbled it. Conflict creates good television.
22:11
There's one of those guys on Pat TV who claims he's a psychic. However, the case he's talking about was on Discovery channel a couple of weeks ago and he's merely repeating details from the true crime telly with psychic embellishment.
22:16
I can feel the perversion, he says, I can feel the lust. I'm disgusted with it. Horrible feelings. Yeah right.
22:20
Texts sent in from viewers. Mary texted to say the Gardai should have a list of psychics hanging up in every station they can call every time there's a crime committed.
22:22
Tracy went to a psychic. Has your grandmother died? I can see your child is a little messer. Did your mother die of cancer?
- She fell down the stairs.
- Oh she broke her neck?
- She did yeah. Seventy euros he cost me. Told me I was hard to read. Like a brick wall in front of me.
