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| H- as in H-ow to break out, 1983 |
1983 Prison guard killed as 38 Republican prisoners in mass-escape from high-security Maze (H-blocks) prison in Northern Ireland
10:10
The second fastest land mammal in the world is the Pronghorn Antelope (North America), clocking in at 54mph/90kph.
13:55
It's lunchtime. My handheld device is in an open data session on the 3G network. Riding the Luas, Skype call in progress, bluetooth headset, the works. I'm on hold to go on Joeradio, arm extended to keep the bars on me phone as high as possible. Unlike Joe, I don't have a mission to redeem the Republic by listening to people whinge. My top secret mission is specifically to clean up Dublin.
I'm speaking de-brudder-is-a-social-worker style Dublineese fake-sincerity speech and through it all I sound like someone who don't know shit even though I wish to sound like I know what Dublin's like but wants to somehow remain decent through it all, in case someone he knows is listening and might think he's a bit of a bollox.
ME: Ah ye can see de inTIMidation takin' shape, Joe. Especially when the carriage gets a bit crowded, ye know? Aggression, Joe. Sheer naked aggression. Fellas swinging mops arreachudder, swinging the shopping arreachudder, y'knowharimee-yin? Oi seen a fella reachin' in when de doors were closin' and hittin' anudder fella a slap. Straight in de gob, Joe. Oi seen dah last night, Joe!
JOERADIO (disbelief): You saw dah? You witnessed fellas punchin' other fellas while dey were travellin' on de Luas?
ME: Ah yeah. UnFORtunately, Joe. Well de Luas was stopped at this stage, Joe, on de platform. He hirrim with the hairy end of a mop. Musta been carryin' it home from Argos or sometin'. At least he was cleaning the gaff up, jaknowharimean?
JOE: And what direction were ye goin' in when ye saw this happen? Was anybody injured, anybody hURRt?
ME: Well, yer man got a sore pus our'it. I dunno about de udder fella, Joe. It didn't look like the mop hit him dah hard, to be honest. Er, "handbags at dawn", ye know? More or less, Joe.
ME AND JOE: Arr. Handbags, handbags. Handbags at dawn.
JOERADIO: And were any of de udder passengers hURRt or injured?
ME: Eh, no Joe, at least, I don't thINk so. There was a young lady he reached over to get to yer man, and some of de passengers got a small shock, Joe, but then de doors closed and de tram pulled away and it was all over. It was all over so fast. It was in Jervis, Joe, Red Line.
JOE: Yeah, they were seein' red, I suppose, especially yer man who gorra slap. I can see why passengers'd be in shock. Fights breaking out! Eh, and what time was this at?
ME: Around 5.30pm, Joe.
JOE: Rush hour?
ME: That's right, Joe. Rush hour.
JOE: Tut, tut. So you're saying there's scraps breaking out on de city centre Luas platforms during rush hour? Fellas assaulting each other with dangerous implements. My God. And did ye see any security or Guards on patrol or annytin?
ME: Ah no, Joe. I see a few ticket inspectors now and den, but no Gards or any of that . Unless they're goin' to work.
18:44
Jumpers are required wearing in project engineering meetings, even in the high Indian summer. The Antarctic is a desert, technically speaking. I've come over all numb.
