Monday

Sunday 9 July: Don't sell yourself short, honey


05:10
Like a buzzer sounding. Or a jackhammer coming on shift. The bells of my cough are back am4.
Looking for something free. Like a scar on the arm or a download. Why not to click on a download? Why not be attracted to attractive women who spend lots of time stipulating their ideal man, because they don't have time to find their ideal man?
06:40
The fucking website does me a redirect to the registration page just as I'm searching through the naked profiles. Asking me for money now. Average weight of the birds on the first search results page? Prop forward. Move on.
06:45
Is there such a thing as "just a few extra pounds"? What's the truth, funny bunny? Tell me! Pies or lies?
06:56
'Average body build' - don't sell yourself short, honey. You're fat too.
07:17
OK I gots to admit, thumbnails of pushy-uppy boobies automatically garner a click. When your averageness becomes apparent in full 200 pixel scope, however, it quite soon becomes a matter of regret and back buttons.
07:34
My oh my, those Eastern European chicks don't mind putting it out there, don't mind at all. Phew. Where the heck is Ukrainia? Hot ladies in their leather undies!
07:47
The Mediterranean girls are all nice with their olive skin but maybe a bit slutty. You'd be worried about what packets you’d pick up on the Internet.
08:01
WTF are these 24 year olds, going "let's have fun, life is so short"? A) they don't know fun like older people do. B) they've no idea how short, pretentious yaps.
08:18
When you see them pout and think, 'yeah', but project through the screen onto life, think, 'nah'. Is it me or her?
08:36
TIP: Watch out for birds that imply "cuddly" or "voluptuous", they're "pie-eaters".
08:39
Like who doesn't love to travel and experience new things? Pathetic? Yes. Unpredictable? No.
08:48
There's nothing original left in life any longer. Everybody likes to have fun, for God's sake. It's a basic like food, sex and breathing. Stop this copy and paste existence, abolish the internet!
08.55
“Bubbly” = “fatass”.
09:00

1982 Queen Elizabeth spends time chatting with Buckingham Palace bedroom intruder Michael Fagan
09:48
Oh look at me. I'm cool and sensitive and intelligent. "I like music", all kinds. yeah. Bet you won't like my collection of 1920s rebel recordings and delta blues standards from the 1930s. You'll try to change me. You'll try to make me like 80s music!
10:56
And the good looking ones are a bit suspicious. Not sure if they're sincere, think they're just looking for affirmation. Gulp. They have the confidence to state boldly and clearly what they are like (gorgeous) and why you should be like them. Man-eaters.
11:59
I got to cut this crap out. What it's doing to me? These people here are sincere, in so far as it goes. Me, I just cut them down and play with their profile pics (If they have any, most of the Irish girls don't bother posting an image, that's how much respect they have for the process.)
20:35
Hello, ABCD Security? She's standing there all in white, combing her hips and cocking her hair at passing cars. Make sure she's picked up OK?
- We'll send a white van down now and remove her.