Tuesday

Monday 15 May: Can't you check my laptop?

09.00
1999 Newspaper columnist Terry Keane admits long-term affair with ex-Taoiseach Charlie Haughey
16:44
OK the feedback I'm getting, put delicately I must admit, is to broaden the history thing out a bit and maybe, if it's possible, with due deference to historical facts, lighten it up a little with the On This Day in History content.
After thinking about it on the way home, and after instinctively rejecting or rather resenting the feedbacks, I've decided I'm not going to get indignant. Number 1, it's business, I'm new here. Number 2, we need to lighten up on our history, I agree. And try to put it in perspective. Roger, wilco.
20:33
Blow jobs on telly. Bits falling off. Called “Sex and Dysentery”.
What they're doing is disgusting. And demanding a fairytale lifestyle off their hapless boyfriends? Nothing is ever good enough, big enough, dreamy enough, real enough or ever satisfies whatever fresh-minted, "deep-seated" need is next.
- Don't you have a book to read?
And everyone is watching this, thinking it's brilliant? It's wistful denial. "Friend or foe?" What kind of fucking question is that off him thou doth canoodle? Is this thing on all night, every night for as long as life exists or what? Am I dead and gone to hell? Hey. Why don't we just go upstairs and have sex instead of watching pissy bitches whinge about it? We haven't had sex in ages.
- Shh. Maybe we will. When this is over.
She's too old for that man.
- Yes, no. She's not. She's got cancer.
Why is she doing that with her tongue every time she's at the keyboard? If I did that in the office I'd be done for sexual harrassment. Oh xrist. The poodle is having a period in front of Carries tits. Now even the poodles are rutting in public. "The Russian's icy treatment of her friends"? Not only is she afraid of genuine intimacy, she's xenophobic. She just gets more and more mature at the end of every episode, this one. She might get there eventually if she keeps shagging everyone in the Big Adam's Apple. She might . . . One episode left tonight. Oh now she finds out her friends are just indulging themselves and are selfish bitches and don't apologise for that. Her friends are ruining her life.
- Can’t you check my laptop? I think it’s got a virus.