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| When one rebel falls, another rises up to take his hat, 1916 |
09:00
1916 Easter Rising begins in Dublin with GPO Proclamation in city centre
09:57
Trumpet blare, hammer pounding, jabber about tooth floss and white noise vans ouch my head.
10:10
The countries with the greatest Gross Domestic Product are, in order, USA, Japan, Germany, China, UK, France, Italy, Spain, Canada (2005).
11:20
The election officer explained the ins and outs of the process. We're all confused now again. Pat said He'd explain everything because by sitting in the same studio he has absorbed 20 years of returning officer experience. Oh God He's Great.
12:57
Would the radio announcer concerned with traffic "updates" please suggest what alternatives they refer to when they say the Redcow is jammers, steer clear, sheets of metal fell off a truck, gardai are on their way, best to avoid?
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| The paper it's written on, 1916 |
Kaboom economy, throwing handgrenades at each other in the Coombe they are. Hate in Dublin Eight. After a row in a pub it was. Can you guess which one? Probably.
13:07
The courtly announcer advertising the cooker warehouse has adopted de Don's speech impediment. She calls it, "de Dietrich" range of cookers. I mean, how gauche.
13:10
Somebody scared away the joyriders from his door with a blaring shotgun last night. Las Finglas.
13:16
"Sick people" are the new "taxpayers", bestowing righteousness on all lockout management blackgaurds and their yelping pups in the papers.
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| Rebels with their line manager, 1916 |
Central Bank statement says no need to be hysterical about the property market. Save the hysteria for the nurses.
13:32
Police would come and they'd laugh at them. Firemen would come to put out the burning fires and they'd be stoned. Bleedin' wasters. He fired the shotgun not long after his baby was born at a car barreling down his road at 2.30am. After that the joyriders never came around his ranch again.
13:37
The Croppy Acre. The martyrs last resting place. The thousands of fallen freedom fighters are gathered there in heaps.
13:39
Superdump expansion given the go-ahead in Ballinafeck. Waste-mongers spreading city sludge upriver of its banks. Our children need us to stand up for them! Rivers, water, ozone, the kids will need it all. The Council says the work complies with environmental regulations. They're qualified to know? I got three words for Galway Co. council's environmental experts. Crip. Toe. Sporidium.
13:48
The Joe Radio show is gone to hell altogether. Who can I call to tell about it?
14:07
Sleepy. They're saying 'jobs'. I'm feeling sleeeeeepy.
14:12
CALLER (yawn): It's time we as citizens stood up for ourself and give the gardai a dig out fighting the tide of crime in this country. Slap them around a bit. Shoot back. Stop being victims. Die fighting.
14:17
CALLER (zzz): We're all reared on drink. We drink from about 13 until the day we die.
14:52
Ladies spread your crazy around.
15:01
The Jack Ripper compensation scheme is 45 million. Health Ministry appeals to hospital nuns to give her a dig out. Nuns are like, fuck off. You pay. Ah, girls.
16:44
TXTR: "I've never read Dante's inferno. After this morning on the Red Cow roundabout, I don't need to."
16:51
Government designs:
N7 outbound traffic wishing to travel north on the M50 will have to u-turn at the Luas car park and travel back east on the N7 to access the m50 northbound ramp.17:03
M50 northbound...will have to ... u-turn at the new traffic lights and travel east on the N7. Costs EUR107m.
More holes than a hag of hula hoops.
17:15
It's funny how two people walking alongside each other in a pair always fall into synchronised stepping making a rhythmic clogging sound on the streets. Flash harry with his megapix peels off a shot of a whore tracking her hair in the mirror.
17:31
Discreetly informed the shock-aw-no about the prostitute in our midst. Described what she was wearing ("tracksuit"). She'll have wandered off before a prat-in-a-hat appears. I enjoy wearing the ear off them anyhow.
21:00
An hour later she is still hanging about. I must have called it in during a changeover in shift. Or else they completely ignored me. I should get their badge numbers every time I ring (Not interested in their names, this is war, it isn't a relationship!)
Election soon. There isn't anyone in my constituency I'd like to vote for. It's a problem, Vincenzo.
22:30
Bertie has bombed in the polls. 35 points is a new low. The lows keep coming with our Prime Ministron.
22:38
Fecking rebels. Their big idea was to cause wreck in O'Connell street and then commandeer a train, taking it to Galway, and hold out West of the Shannon. Feck off. Dub fucks. In the end, not enough of them mobilised and they never even made it out of town. They were prisoners of worry, not war.
22:42
Pearse was just a patsy. McBride, McDonagh they all went to the slaughter smiling. World war one-ishly pouring their blood on the altar in suicide attacks. The Brits rather dully committed yet another 425 men to their graves. If anybody made a sacrifice in 1916, it was the prole.
23:05
My moll took a bag from a friend of ours. It's entirely appropriate. You trust me. We're friends.
23:16
AT HOME WITH THE DRUMCONDRIGLIONIS:
B: Here Seelia. Seeeeeeeelia? Come dow-in here!
Tum tum tum tum tum tum tum
C: Yes, Bertholemhew?
B; (Don't call me dah) Here, have yez seen me bleedin' anorak anywhere?
C: Which bleedin' anorak, luvvie?
B: De one I was wearin' dere at de races in Galway de other week.
C: Ah yeah. The red one?
BOTH: With the grey bits (pointing to shoulder area and waist area)
B: Yeah. Where is da bleedin' ting?
C: Oh sure, I washed it, luvvie. It was bleedin' filthy so I put it in the machine on 90 and hung it out on the bleedin' line. It's out there now.
B: Ah no jaysis ye bleedin dinint, didja?
C: Oi did. The bleedin' state of it. Bleedin' covered in horse shite and bleedin' everything.
B: Did you check the bleedin' pockets, ya bleedin' divvy ya?
C: No I bleedin' didn't. I'm not putting my hand in your anorak pocket again after what happened last time, remember? When I pulled out a steak you brought from the state dinner with de King of Norway at Farmleigh for the dog? Covered in gravy I was, after it, remember?
B: It slipped out a me bleedin' hanky. Aww fuuuuccck!
Bartholemew runs out de back to de line. Seelia puts on some slippers and goes out to the shops in her pink pyjamas.
ENDS
